We got such a great response to our post on How to Survive Your First Year of Marriage that we thought we’d come back with round two – this time from the guy’s perspective (which as we know can be a BIT different). We reached out to some of our favorite bloggers, partners and friends to get their thoughts on what the keys to happiness and success are as you embark on your journey as man and wife together. What they said might surprise you. Read on:

  •  Recovery and Empathy – If I could sum up two words that have carried Lauryn (my now wife) and I through our first year of marriage and really our entire relationship they would be recovery and empathy. Being able to recover from arguments and let the little things go. Pick and choose when it’s time to stand ground and when it’s time to let it go. The second part of that is having empathy and doing your best to understand your partner’s feelings and point of view, even if you don’t fully agree with them. So many people get stuck in their ways and are unwilling to view the world from any other perspective but their own. To sum it up, let the little things go and don’t be a selfish prick ;). – Michael Bosstick, Serial Entrepreneur, Co-host of The Skinny Confidential Him and Her Podcast.
  • Keep growing. No husband or wife reaches perfection in his or her roles. There will be plenty of times throughout your marriage when you will make mistakes, say the wrong thing, or leave your dirty underwear lying on the bedroom floor. It happens to the best of husbands. But it is important to not let those moments of blunders define your marriage. Use every opportunity you can to continue to grow closer to your wife and learn more about her wants, needs, desires, and aspirations. Keep learning and growing. Just like a fine wine or aged cheese, marriage gets better over the years.- Joe Beam, Marriage Helper (via Crosswalk).
  • Workaholic, Consider your Marriage a job just as your career:  My first year of marriage was also my first year building my business which meant time was hugely important. Being aggressive wanting my business and marriage both to grow I had to look at both my marriage and career as a job otherwise I would take one for granted. It may sound horrible to view your marriage as a job but in truth it is, as you invest time, care, thought and love into your partner to build a strong lasting relationship which involves all the key ingredients to a healthy marriage – communication. – Ross Tanner, Flo Agency
  • Talk openly about your finances: Money surprises are never good, so stay a few steps ahead and include your wife in an ongoing conversation about the budget. This does not mean monitoring her spending. It does mean that you don’t keep secrets, you value her input, and you make important decisions as a team.- All Pro Dad.

  • Try to out love each other. We had heard so much of how difficult marriage is that we decided we would be the exception to the rule. We did things like making sure we don’t go to bed angry at each other, have gisting sessions, date nights, vacations (even if it was at a hotel 20 minutes away), etc. Marriage is about being selfless….trying to out love each other. It sounds cheesy…but that’s how we rolled our first year. Perhaps it wasn’t easy, but nothing good ever is. We don’t mind the “difficult” work! So I’d say you should spoil your wife…especially that first year. – Wale Ariztos, Wale Ariztos Photography.
  • The First Year of Marriage doesn’t have to be your first year of Marriage : With most things in life I tend to take an unconventional approach. I am an advocate for moving in with your girlfriend prior to getting married. This sounds taboo for people who are either governed by culture and/or religion but if you are one to live on the edge regardless of parental repercussions or being fed to the wolves by your village headmaster, it may just be the thing for you. My wife and I have been together for 8 years and will be married for 2 years in May of 2017. But we feel like we have been married for 8 years simply because we have lived together for pretty much the whole of our relationship. There is a huge change in dynamics when two people move in together and I think this is where most newlyweds struggle in their first year of marriage. You could learn more about a person in 3 months of living together than you may in a year of living apart. You get to learn early about any bait and switches that usually happen during the dating phase and you learn to accept all the flaws before you make any commitments that are harder to break after marriage. So after a few years of living together, we knew we were meant for each other and just let life take it’s course. On the wedding day, no one was nervous, no one had doubts we really just wanted to make it official because we were certain we were doing the right thing. – Kanayo Adibe, Kanayo Adibe Photography.
  • A Happy Wife, is a Happy Home.  Pray together, avoid unnecessary fights (you won’t always win), discuss everything, do not leave issues to drag and see your wife as your best friend. Go into marriage determined not to come out of it, make your family your first priority (make quality time for them), eat meals together and COOK FOR YOUR WIFE! lol. In summary, communicate effectively, sacrifice selflessly, compromise, and apologize whether you’re right or wrong. – Omosanya Odunsi, The Brandman.

  • It is important to remember that your wife is a special gift and “far more precious than rubies” (Prov. 3:15) Nothing you desire can compare to her – nothing. That includes your desire to be right in the midst of an argument or when you are faced with challenges in your marriage. No “thing” compares to her. I encourage you to view your wife as a gift. You have to be clear from the very beginning of how precious she is to you, so that nothing can separate you from that fact. – Donnell Baldwin, Mr. Baldwin Style
  • Draw boundaries around family members or friends that don’t show respect to your wife. – I know this one is hard but as much as you can make this happen.  Understand that your relationship with her should be more important to you than your other family members, work, friends, etc.- 25 Tips for the Young Husband,  Connected Together. 
  • This is a tough one. In so many ways, I feel the best way to survive not only the first year of marriage, but your whole marriage, is to pick the right person. I think as people get older and see their friends settle down they can feel pressure to, well, settle. And I have always been strongly against that. I was waiting for that person that perfectly complemented my soul and when I found her, I couldn’t wait to ask her to be mine forever. So I think you’re already miles ahead of the game if you’ve carefully considered, with both your head and your heart, what you want in a partner and have actively searched for and found that person. But how about some practical advice too – don’t ask you wife too many questions about that new bag she just bought 😉 But seriously, most guys I know have very different ideas from what is *necessary* than their wives. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be smart with money, but know that women have a few more expenses (yes, that’s how much a no chip manicure costs) so try to take it with a grain of salt. I promise you, this will prevent 50% of your fights from happening. Also, keep getting her flowers for no reason. It means so much more after the courtship phase is over. – Brandon Kozlarek, Epic Applications Analyst, Husband to AislePerfect Editor Brianna

 

Image Credits: Kanayo and Stephanie ( Image by Douglas Polle) | Michael and Lauryn (Image by Katherine Rose) | Donnell and Courtney (Image by Alea Lovely)

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